Valentine's, why oh why?

In February, the buzzword is "Valentine" and it means that I have to spend it (again) w/o my loved ones, not with family or friends, let alone a boyfriend. I think I'll just study my French and sleep that day:P. Strangely, February is always the time when I'll be feeling more sentimental than usual, more alone than usual. Gosh, please blame it on my unusual 'penchant' (read: love) for myself and maybe my undefined-but-seems-like-they're-too-high criteria. I also have this peculiar bad habit of not showing my true feelings to a guy whom I might be interested in. I'll usually joke around and push other girls to him. Stupid huh?

Everything has a reason. And I guess I have a psychological explanation on this. If you happen to have read my previous post last year, Special Entry for Valentine's Day, I've blatantly shared the main histories of my big crushes, not to mention a dozen lil' infatuations. And all of them have one thing in common, I am always the one to show it first. I was always busy thinking of ways to attract him, day-dreaming about what would happened if he ever felt the same way and etc etc. But I realized someday that a girl is destined to wait. I can put all sort of efforts like: call him first over msn, find reasons to have a conversation with him, care for him, cook for him, ask him this and that, but if at the end of the day, he's really not that into you, what can a girl do? Cry? Feeling depressed?

That's why, girls, don't assume anything first, don't day-dream too much, don't show that you're interested in him unless he makes a clear move. Otherwise, you'll be left alone (it hurts) and wondering why. I've learned from experience and have subconsciously created a shield to protect myself. I'm save with it. Valentine's, I'm afraid of you no more!

-Sien-