Last Days of My BATTLE (Part 1 - Counting Down)

Part 1 - Counting Down

These past four days? I had these:

LAST TWO EXAMS^_^
ANXIETY ATTACKS T_T
CELEBRATION^_^
PARTY^_^
MAKAN DAY^_^ etc etc...

Enjoying first two days of freedom, but gotta return to normal life tomorrow, Monday yeah....jiayou!!!!!

Yeah, after the last paper...

Erm wait a second, let me begin with the day before my last exam...

Thursday, 29 November '07

06.00 am --> Alarm rang...WAKE UP WAKE UP!!

Yeah, woke up really early 'cause I had morning paper (the 'ultimate' Engineers and Society, can't explain to you how "IMPORTANT" this subject is, made me respect the profession of an engineer even more, and discouraged me to become one of the Professional Engineers=P). Yes, ironic, but you need someone who's really passionate about becoming a Professional Engineer, a real problem solver in his field...and I'm not going to choose that direction. Ouwww come on, I might work as an engineer upon graduation, but to BE a PROFESSIONAL ENGINEER??? I haven't even had the slightest clue...perhaps it's not my calling? who knows? Soul-searching is still in progress...*Roger...mayday mayday*


09.00 am --> "You may now turn over your question paper and starts writing {or scribbling}"

Jreng jreng jreng...flipped the first page...ouw as expected, those general stuff, oh hey I saw this one in last year's paper, ouw this one too...*happy happy*

Flipped the next page, what? this theory...hemmm, I read it somewhere, but can't remember the exact wordings, ouw, screw it, I knew a bit, just elaborate with my own words...then I *guess*, I'll be just fine.

Scrolled (or rather, rolled down my eyes to the next questions), argh they were asking about my opinion, let's skip this one... (since I can choose 4 among 5 Qs, errr or 6 Qs, can't remember already), you see, in this case (exam), my short term memory just can't handle it. I'll forget my answers and questions once I stepped out of the exam hall, so dun' try to discuss anything with me afterwards, 'coz you'll get nothing... I'll be like "Errr, eeerm, what was my answer? Totally forgot..."*or did I intentionally choose to forget? not really sure on this...=P*. But sometimes I can get caught up with some lil' mistakes which mean that I still can't get rid of my perfectionist nature...*old habit dies hard*

Spinned my eyes, scribbling hard while scratching my head...saw the next questions and I was like,"Hemmm yes yes, this one too, I read this one, but I can just vaguely remember the exact content, *again* screw it, as long as I wrote the main points and showed that I've read that part *though certainly I didn't try hard enough to memorize it*, I think I'll be fine again...*all fingers crossed*

Everything has passed, let it go already!

03.00 pm --> Concentrating hard on the next paper...anxiety attacks began here T_T

Trying veeeeeery hard to concentrate but I still felt that I didn't study that efficiently, something else has been bothering me since I finished the 4004 paper...not exactly sure what it is, but I have some hypotheses...

1. I was too happy that I got the 4004 over and done with, as if I've finished "all" my papers *which is totally not true....still far from finish dude...3 papers to go... what were you thinking???*

2. My brain couldn't take any more subjects with a lot of memorizing involved *thank goodness I'm not in biological sciences* But unfortunately, my last two papers, there are still lotsa things to remember {though it's definitely not those 6-cm texts and 3 cm-notes like my roomie's studying, I might as well do a harakiri if I were told to memorize hers=P}

3. I simply lost my interest in wanting to score well, low spirit mood, like I always feel when I'm down. I think this easily de-motivated me is my BIGGEST challenge, it's usually my other contradicting side who de-motivate my ownself. You might be feeling confused now? What the h**k is this girl talking about? how can someone change so rapidly like that? I think you're too overly aware of your own destructive thoughts. Well, don't ask me...I am as bewildered as you are...

Perhaps I need someone to lighten up my mood? To motivate me? 'Cause these past few years...(my 16 year-studying in schools), most of the time, I am always the one who encourages myself, perhaps I need to learn on how to ask for advices and how to depend on someone elses? like my friends? parents? siblings? to see different point of views? Maybe...


10.00 pm --> Crap, I need to finish this summary and start looking at past year papers... *anxiety level stadium 4*

Yes, I'm used to making summary and stuff, but weirdly, I can't seem to put in the summarized concepts and theories into this worn-out brain. I was like, girl, why did you forget this must-understand-coz'-it-will-come-out concepts? It wasn't an effective summarizing activity. And I need to go to sleep now or I can't wake up... HOW????

00.00 --> Must sleep, no matter what!

Yeah, I managed to put in and secure some concepts into my brain and prepared to go to sleep. In fact, I couldn't really sleep that night, kinda rolled sideways, left and right left and right, my brain was still actively revising some stuff, I still forcefully closed my eyes, wanting to have a good night sleep before my last paper...

03.30 am (the next day)

Alas...I woke up at 3.30 in the morning. Voila...my anxiety beats me up that day. I had my few hour-sleep so I thought I'll just study again for a bit and there I was, no more sleeping, until my last paper at 9 am, Fri, 30 Nov 2007...
(apparently many of my friends had this symptom too, guess I'm not alone here^_^, what a subject --> it's called Quality Assurance and Management 'disease')


Why I think my last paper was an anticlimax ending?

to be continued...


Sien2
*totally charged up NOW