July 2008 - The Anticlimax Celebration or The Hell-ish Transition?
Yes, that was how I view the whole experience in July 08. From anticlimax celebration (read: Convocation) to the Hell-on-Earth transition, student life to the working world. Alright, I don't wanna whine or grumble anymore about how I ended up thinking like this. That hectic month, I wasn't even inspired to write blogposts. In total, there was only ONE post, written on my first day at work, in which I still have the energy to write a post. That was the beginning of all negativities and desperate trials to convince myself that I made the right decisions.
My daily schedule throughout the next two months was something like this:Monday -> wake up at 6 am, 7.15 start walking to mrt station, stand in mrt for an hour (since there is hardly any seat left in the morning), morning meeting, chased by others, lunch for exactly one hour or less (in fact, we had 2-hour lunch time, but noone wanted to waste so much time for lunch when time is of the essence and deadline's chasing you like crazy. You'll feel guilty, somehow...), work work work, officially 5.30 pm can go off but from day 2/3 decided to stay until at least 6.30 pm, too many things so little time. Most of the time, will need to bring work home, even during weekends. Travel back for another one hour. Reach home around 8 pm ++ (in most days, 9 pm)
Tuesday -> repeat
Wednesday -> repeat
Thursday -> repeat
Friday - > repeat + usually there's a farewell party every week, drinking night (which I don't really like, too ex and not my kind of lifestyle)
Saturday -> tuition, or occasional outings
Sunday -> tuition/vball at NTU, clean the house/toilet
The next week, this vicious cycle repeats itself. No wonder I felt very tired, my mind's numb and I couldn't think of anything to write. Anyway, I got my spirit back up a lil' bit during my convocation on the 24th of July 08. My family and relatives came to town and we celebrated together.
The good old days, freshman year...
All graduated MAE-ers...sailed off to the tough unknown world
July 2008 was undoubtedly one of those months that will always have a place in my memories.
It was another month of angst and anxiety. I couldn't describe how negative and angry I was at that time. I remembered that most of the days, after work...I would walk back home filled with thoughts, tried to sustain the tears that almost always flow down uncontrollably. All because of the frustration, desperation to achieve something and a proof that I can do it. At least to give a proof for myself, to honour my decision. What I could do at that time was just to tell myself to never give up and think more positively. I did promise myself that, but it was too late...I've already let all my disappointment and anger shown to the whole world...there was no turning back...
Obviously, I wasn't happy at work (wasn't happy about the system, the industry nature, the culture, etc) but I pushed myself to not think about that, to just do my thing (alas, the unhappiness itself has really affected my work performance). I've described it all in these posts, so I won't repeat it again...Let it be the lesson worth-learning for my next journey ahead.
All of us can choose
to be happy at work,
to be happy in doing the work you don't really like to do,
to be happier when you have the chance to do what you like,
to be the happiest when you can finally do something that you're very good at and enjoy doing it each and everyday...
Happiness is a choice.
Although in general, it was not a very joyful month (in terms of work), I still went out to have wonderful outings during weekend, with my colleagues and GSS friends. These are the things that have helped me along the way. Doing something else besides work and work and work...
Cycling at Pulau Ubin ^_^
GSS "Healthy" Outing - Walk from Mount Faber to Hort Park
Indo-NTU 2008 gathered again...
September 2008 - The COntemplation & COoking (The Co-Co month:P)
Despite the fact that September is my fave month of the year and I had a rare chance of blowing my candles three times (yes, folks, not one, not two, but three times...gosh...but thanks guys^_^) this year, it was a DARK cloudy period. You see...
1st cake at my desk in the old office. Thanks to all my ex-colleagues! You guys rawkz!
2nd cake candle with bunch of ice creams. You know, if you have your b'day at Swensens, they'll sing you this happy hatchday song and give you complimentary ice creams...great huh?:P
Alright, this 3rd one was from my invitees. Thanks for coming guys, gals! It was a blissful night and it's comforting to know that you still care. Happy 22nd, Sien!
Arggh, perhaps I shouldn't have blown candles three times? making me celebrate my 66th instead of 22nd?:P
What happened the next two days was not my real birthday wish. It was my wish the previous two weeks and I've tried changing my mind ever since. But maybe my subconscious mind accidentally bring back the old wish and with vigorous blowing of candles on the d-day, it just made that old wish came true? who knows?
With Shil-Bek-Rik
Len, Li, Wie, Tim, the ice cream cake and my hand
September was officially my contemplating month. Since what happened afterwards was a history, I had plenty of time to rethink again about my previous decisions and plans. I've made up my mind that month, ate proper dinner again and learned how to cook my own food. I mean the real food, not noodle or anything like that. That's why September was also the cooking month for me. I would go shopping for ingredients every weekend, filled the fridge with vegetables, meats, carrots, onions, fishballs, fish etc etc. Those ingredients would become my breakfast, lunch and dinner for a week. Now, I can cook some simple dishes like these...
I know they don't really look that nice here (especially the scrambled egg), but hey, they're EDIBLE and they're not instant noodle or fried junk food...Yay...^_^
So from that moment on, until today, I still cook every week and I guess it's a lot cheaper than eating outside *though I never really do a detailed accounting for that...
I will, however, occasionally go for a little self-indulgence to restaurants during weekends and eat good luxurious food, but the rest of the days? I'd prefer normal home-cooked stuff or buy from the coffee shop opposite my place. Knowing how to cook simple food was definitely a new precious skill I've gained during that period. Apparently, September is still my FAVORITE month of the year.
October 2008 - The Déjà Vu (= already seen moments)
Oui, c'était déjà vu. Yeah, I did the exact same things that I did in May-June period: sleeping, browsing, sending dozens of resume, still continuing on contemplation and plotting strategy for interviews. I did these routines for about a month before I landed myself two interviews which could both potentially be translated into job offers. I scored one and let the other one went by. Yes, my days were going brighter again, at least the cloud and thunder have gone away^_^. I was waiting for the rainbow and be grateful for everything that have happened.
Alright, now let me provide you with the chronological of how I landed myself a job as an Engineer in just-across-the-road company, company X.
Here you are:
1) My strong opposition led me to a not-very-wise decision and landed me on the first non-engineering job which I couldn't stand. So there I was, feeling lost with pending PR status, cancelled employment pass and quickly-expiring social visit pass, I was just a foreigner with a 2-month deadline to find a new job. This situation has given me no choice but to start applying for engineering jobs which I know will be easier to get given my education background.
2) Since I had this unnecessary deadline to meet, it fired me up. So I started browsing for engineering jobs, momentarily stop denying that I have a degree in Engineering, sent out 2-3 resumes per day, while still considering the logistics/supply chain options, location and requirements.
3) One day on jobstreet and jobscentral, I saw Company X was advertising a job opening which I felt that given my IA experience and degree, would have given me the highest chance of getting through the resume screening. I instantly knew what to put in my always-customized-according-to-job-scope resume. Sent.
4) After another one week of sending dozens of resume, my handphone rang. Yeah, it was from the HR of company X. I thought I wanted to get this job 'coz it good enough, if it was at the HQ, I only need 20 mins to travel via MRT. Not bad. I was enticed by the location first and second, by the job-scope-that-sounds-like-something-I-can-do.
5) Then guess what? I was invited for interview at their other branch which is just across the street. I could see their logo right across my room's window pane. What a blessing in disguise! I thought the 20 mins travel was good enough, but I was given an even better option. Location was my #1 pull factor. Above all else. Salary won't be a problem 'coz I know engineer's starting salary is reasonably high. Job scope won't be a problem, I could learn faster now. I learned from my mistakes. Job satisfaction and work-life balance were not my consideration. All I want is a job to pay the bills. Whether I'll like it or not, I'll never know unless I try. I couldn't afford being an idealist at that moment, not when my status was a foreigner under social visit pass with a 40k debt.
6) The following days, met my future boss and colleagues, had an awesome interview session. Felt I could fit in there, job scope sounded like I could do it reasonably well. Eventually, I went out of the interview room, feeling confident that I got this one in the bag *found out later on that the job is a bit too dull if I don't try hard enough to learn as much as I can. True enough, the moment I reached home (about 10 minutes later), my phone rang and they straight away offered me the job. I was going to replace a senior engineer who've worked there for four years. That day was 4 October 08, exactly one month after I was out of that nas** place.
So that was the story on how I become an Engineer. I had to eat my own words and bite my tongue first before I finally accepted this reality. Regret, sadness, excitement, curiosity, disappointment are all mixed up. And I don't even want to think about it. Let's just be grateful for everything and slowly craft a better future! Goals and dreams will come true if I never give them up, right? (Financial goal: to be able to have just "enough" money to do whatever I want, anytime, anywhere, anyhow and never have to worry about money my whole life. Amen. :P, I know some experts will say, "this financial goal is not specific enough, you need a specific amount to realize it" yeah screw it!! I can't think of it now.)
Another déjà vu moments were when I went to watch Indonesian Cultural Night which was surprisingly a great entertainment, had a good time and definitely worth the $$$.
With Feby, Rica, Lele, Yessica during the performance break. ICN 2008 rawkz!!
I had a lil' bit of identity lost last month, that's why I set this small project for myself with 31 Dec as the deadline, will I need to extend this? Let's see...
By the end of this year (31 December 2008), I have to know how to:
1. Feel happy inside, each and everyday ~ despite what I think in my own nasty mind and despite all the things that happen out there (my surroundings, like: how people behave towards me, how's my work life, how's the economy, etc etc) --> not yet each and everyday, sometimes housemates really pissed me off, sometimes my mind still played tricks on me, but overall, a great improvement on how I view myself and my surroundings at work, have managed to look happy at work (most of the days) ~ 70% accomplished
2. Not care so much about what others think ~ they can say anything, I don't really make it personal --> hemm, this one's tricky. Really depends on their facial expression and my mood that day. When I'm in super-sensitive mode, I'll care about all minute details of what others say and drive myself crazy. Not good ~ 40% accomplished
3. Speak out my mind without thinking too much of the effects and what others think too (similar to 2) ~ stand up for myself, my values and what I think is right. Be fair to myself! --> getting better everyday at work, except when I'm at home. I just don't want to be ignored and replied with rudeness, I'd prefer silence in this case. As long as I don't intrude others and others don't intrude me. I'm totally fine with not talking for days ~ 50% accomplished
4. Conquer my fear of being judged by others. Whatever they say/think! --> how will I know for sure if they judged me anyway? it's their own right to judge anyone as they like. I don't have to know or worry about what they think, do I? I can just be me! ~ 70% accomplished
5. Not to blame myself too hard for every single thing. When a thing happens, it happened. Don't need to be extremely hard on myself. Let it go! --> I know I'm not perfect, that's why I'm a human. I'll stop complaining and blaming myself. Just fix the mistakes and move on ~ 80% accomplished
Argh, with this current rate that I'm going now, I might need another one month to accomplish these? Say, after Chinese New Year, 1 Feb 2009? Alright?
Here's the outing I had in November --> after Shil's b'day treat at Ichiban Boshi, Suntec City. We took photo in front of X'mas tree near the entrance.
December 2008 - The Sweet Ending
Yeah, finally, my chrono has reached the last month of 2008. I've accomplished five major things this month:
1) JLPT 3 on the 7th of Dec
2) Dinner outing with Gie and the usual gank
3) Lunch outing with ex-collegues
4) Hosting steamboat dinner
5) First duty work on Saturday (27th) --> and after today, I shall continue being forced to take annual leave which I don't even have (current annual leave balance = -5). Holiday until 4th of Jan. Yay...
We had light bulbs on our heads and suddenly filled with ideas (@Marche, Vivocity)
Steamboat dinner with GSS friends. I was the tired and grumpy host right after it ends.
But it was TOTALLY fun!!
Great...
I've finished the full year chronological, finally... I can start thinking about next year's resolutions now. Till then, take care folks!
To anyone of you who managed to read this 'til the very end. Congratulations! Thanks for your perseverance! Hahaha...
Personally, it is meant for my own laugh in the next 5/10/15 years, the day when I decide to reminisce the moments I had in 2008 will eventually come...
Preparing to say: Au revoir 2008...
4 days to go...
-Sien-
281208
12:42 am
1 comment:
bushet sien, details sekali engkau
anw, have a great year in 2009 ya!
shilv
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